Confession time…I’ve always loved questions.\u00a0 Sometimes, however, they can be seen as a personal attack on leadership and management decisions.\u00a0 Especially when it seems like we’re complaining.\u00a0 Of course, it’s different for every workplace environment.\u00a0 The right questions can teach us a ton quickly by getting explanations, confirming strategies or adding value to a project through “question ideas”.\u00a0 But questioning, even the healthy kind isn’t my focus here.\u00a0 Stay with me…<\/p>\n
There is a definite stigma surrounding the concept of “complaining”. \u00a0It’s often seen as a negative when people have the courage to bring difficult things forward.\u00a0 Whether it’s workplace culture or a more benign topic our response to it can make all the difference.\u00a0 How do we respond?\u00a0 Is it always appropriate to the situation?\u00a0 Is our response technique positive & encouraging or damaging?<\/p>\n
A young man I had the pleasure of having in a leadership development workshop was the bold questioner type.\u00a0 Unfortunately, his queries weren’t always met with empathy or any sense of compassion in weekly meetings.\u00a0 He began to feel belittled in front of his peers & unsupported by leadership.\u00a0 This response style was very damaging to his self-esteem & depression set in.\u00a0 It wasn’t long before this treatment caught the attention of his supervisor.\u00a0 The situation was addressed but the “hurt” was not able to be overcome.\u00a0 They decided to arrange for a transfer to help get him on track.\u00a0 Just about 1 week before the switch, having fallen into a “hopeless” state the young man took his life.<\/p>\n
Bullying had won.<\/p>\n
This is an extreme example but the shock value shines a light on a basic premise; to see others not as things to be used but as people to be loved.\u00a0 We all deserve that & frankly, deep down, expect it.\u00a0 This should never be tolerated by anyone regardless of title or position in any enterprise.\u00a0 Of course not, right?\u00a0 We all naturally agree, but do our actions support this sentiment?\u00a0 If we expect it for ourselves, what makes us so quickly forget when it comes to others?\u00a0 The triggers are for each of us to discover but here are some thoughts to help.<\/p>\n
The 5 Second Rule<\/p>\n
Wait 5 seconds before responding.\u00a0 This aids in processing what has been presented & reframing the challenge.\u00a0 Take some notes, actually count to 5, whatever slows you down a bit.\u00a0 At first, this exercise will seem like time has stood still.\u00a0 Over time it will prove to be very valuable & others, you’ll notice, will pick up the waiting habit as well.\u00a0 If you’re like me & your brain is loading up a response just as quickly as people are talking this will save you!\u00a0 For honesty to happen we have to respond tactfully to build trust.<\/p>\n
Complain Up<\/p>\n
In the movie “Saving Private Ryan<\/em>” this concept comes up. \u00a0Of course, this is a military movie & in the deep hierarchy of this type of organization, leaders can be sheltered by rank. \u00a0Subordinates can learn to just do their job, not question orders & squelch their individual thoughts. \u00a0This is part of being “institutionalized” inside any organization.\u00a0 The way our companies are set up can conspire against us.\u00a0 Developing a healthy environment that encourages & embraces engagement can be a lonely venture.\u00a0 It’s worth it though!\u00a0 Since we all have a “boss”, simply have people bring things up with the next title or position above them.\u00a0 This will serve to properly frame the details of the concept\/idea & remove the feeling you’re working on some secret agenda.\u00a0 To get traction on any idea we need buy-in from those we work with.\u00a0 This concept can cause the necessary momentum needed toward any change initiative.\u00a0 After all, you don’t have a “movement” until someone else joins you!<\/p>\n Challenge the Process (not the people)<\/p>\n I’ve come to embrace fixing the process & coaching the people.\u00a0 If we boil down what has been presented to the 1%, the essence, we often find the issue is something in the way of people being productive.\u00a0 A failure of a process, not the people.\u00a0 This has led to frustration & manifested itself in a complaint.\u00a0 When we focus on fixing it, the people feel supported & trust is built.\u00a0 Processes don’t have feelings, people do.\u00a0 Solving a process energizes our creative energies in the right direction & puts the emphasis on a learning faster environment.\u00a0 A win-win in anyone’s book!<\/p>\n One of my favorite books examines this topic from a different angle.\u00a0 In the book\u00a0 “The Four Agreements<\/em>“, the second agreement is “Don’t take things personally<\/em>“.\u00a0 It says…<\/p>\n “Nothing others do is because of you.\u00a0 What others say<\/span> and do<\/span> is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.\u00a0 When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Wow!\u00a0 What a concept to digest.\u00a0 If we can get to the point where we recognize this as truth, it does wonders for the workplace.\u00a0 Jealousy & contempt fade.\u00a0 Competition with co-workers is replaced by collaboration.\u00a0 Just like life, this is easy to say, hard to do.\u00a0 It’s supposed to be hard if it was easy everyone would already be doing it!\u00a0 Nothing in life that comes easy carries much meaning anyway.\u00a0 Get this little book of wisdom, you’ll love it!<\/p>\n Before ever discovering this book, a couple coaches I worked for instilled this concept in their own way.\u00a0 They were upfront with players telling them they liked each of them as people.\u00a0 Respected them for the commitment they had made & the people they were becoming.\u00a0 But at times we would not<\/span> like their football & it was our responsibility as coaches to correct to make them better.\u00a0 If they took this personally it would only inhibit personal & team progress.\u00a0 This process is never easy but separating these helped remove a huge barrier to improvement…negative emotional responses.<\/p>\n A Bit of Psychology<\/p>\n The head coach of a staff I was on instilled a process of coaches yelling at coaches, never the players.\u00a0 After all, as coaches, we were responsible for teaching the players what we needed them to do.\u00a0 By yelling at each other it reinforced that concept.\u00a0 This engaged the players to work hard & pay attention so their<\/em> coach didn’t get scolded in front of everyone.\u00a0 Loyalty soared & team unity was built quickly.\u00a0 The value of this can’t be understated.\u00a0 By creating an environment where players (workers) can become the best version of themselves, can really excel with their talents, the team improves exponentially.\u00a0 It also encourages leadership development from all the coaches whose primary responsibility is serving those they lead.\u00a0 Years later I learned several great coaches have used this technique to great success.\u00a0 He borrowed a great concept for sure! Leaders holding each other accountable for good & bad just works.\u00a0 Our staff loved it & you will too!<\/p>\n Here’s a quote from one of the great organizational culture builders of our time.\u00a0 The relevancy of his words is filtered through our own lens but nonetheless, it’s worth including.\u00a0 It certainly hits home with me to remain open in accepting a breath of fresh air no matter where it comes from!<\/p>\n \u201cOnly self-confidence makes freedom & dissent possible. An organization that brain-washes employees to think alike will only breed complacency & make itself unappealing to anyone who might inject some oxygen into it.\u201d\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/i>– Ricardo Semler<\/i><\/p>\n By encouraging everyone to “complain” in a healthy tactful way & altering our response methods, the entire team will realize a value greater than the sum of the individuals in it.\u00a0 Isn’t that the place we all want to work?\u00a0 Two quotes to ponder…<\/p>\n